He knows what I'm going through, and I know what he's going through. Neither of us are in the best places in our lives right now, and that makes it very, very difficult.
Why is he my greatest love? When I first met him I was an insecure little girl. He taught me a lot about life, love, honesty (the good and the bad,) and to love my body. He makes me feel like a woman. When I am in his arms, I know nothing can harm me. Even when I'm not with him, I know that no harm can come to me. Because he won't let it. When he smiles, I melt. When he touches me, I melt. He fucks me like the Goddamn devil. He checks in on me to make sure I am okay, and if I'm not, he will listen. He doesn't judge me for the things I do.
He's annoying, he's hilarious,
he's the world's biggest asshole,
he ruins my day and saves it at the last minute,
he drives me crazy,
he's out of his mind, I hate his guts,
and he's everything I want.
And that pretty much sums it up. But how can he love me the way I need and want to be loved when I don't even love myself? I told him that the other day and he looked at me like I was crazy. He says what's holding him back is the fact that one day I'm going to want a baby and he just doesn't know if he can give that to me. He's already raised his ex-wife's two kids from a previous relationship and his own two children from his marriage. But he's no where near an "old man." I can't tell him often enough that if I haven't left at some point over these past four years, I'm obviously not going to. It boggles my own mind, because several years ago, if a man were to tell me he may not want a child with me, I would have walked away. But there's something about him that keeps me holding on. I fucking love him. I've never loved a man the way I do him. I thought I loved my ex? That was juvenile compared to the way I feel about Buzzard. To the way I feel when I'm with Buzzard. My heart wants to explode with love when I look at him. I wish he would just stop fighting it.
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